Vinushka

HOUSTON - December 4, 2011

The show... oh my god... the show. They played mazohyst of decadence, filtering into an Inward Scream, then right into the blossoming beeslebub, tsumi to kisei, and another Inward Scream. I stood there the entire time with the rest of the audience, tears streaming down my face. I think we were all in reverent shock, to be honest. There are three songs I thought for sure I'd never NEVER hear live: Jealous -reverse-, -mushi-, and mazohyst of decadence. I'm still in shock over it, to be honest.

That show... the way Kyo moved, his voice... and fuck, the look in his eyes. It sent chills down my spine. I was 3rd row in front of Kyo that night... and I do not regret a single moment of it, period.

Other highlights include Die playing his guitar behind his head and still hitting the notes like a boss. Toshiya came over to our side during Grief and we all flipped him off and screamed Fuck at him. He apparently thought this was fantastic because he bounced off in a manner reminiscent of Tigger, lol.

Also, the birthday massacre is awesome. Chibi (vocalist) is super nice and awesome. By the second night we were singing along and whatnot. I have a pic from Houston of her and I flipping off the camera. There's this saying in burlesque that your face needs to be "a ten" expression-wise. Hers goes up to eleven, lol!

Random events: it started raining and I recently switched hair dye to a new one. I dye it bright red like Die used to. Well... this one runs in the rain. :/ I was bleeding pink and red all night, all over everything.

Houston Pics

Setlist:
Kyoukotsu No Nari

hageshisa to kono mune no naka de karamitsuita shakunetsu no yami
obscure
juuyoku
lotus

the fatal believer
rotting root
mazohyst of decadence

Inward Scream

the blossoming beeslebub
tsumi to kisei

Inward Scream

yokuso ni dreambox aruiwa seijuku no rinen to tsumetai ame
different sense
grief
reiketsu nariseba

ENCORE
kodou
red soil
rasetsukoku



DALLAS - December 5, 2011

We got in line around 1pm and were right in front of the bus door. Toshiya came out in his PJs. They were these cute black flannels with little white starbursts on them. Adorable. It was also cold as all hell, which is not usual for Dallas. In 09, we were t-shirts and jeans, and wishing we had tank-tops. This year I had on three layers and was still frozen.

At one point all the boys came out and went in for sound check, which we could hear quite nicely through the wall. I missed them coming back out when I went to pee, sadly. Oh well. But... when they came out the last time, Rick had fail. He was letting everyone off the bus and he's standing there with the door open after they've all come out and are walking up to the venue all, "Is Kyo not coming?" and we all start laughing and shaking our heads, Nora yells out, "He's right here!" in this "duh" voice. Poor Rick.

I finally caught up with Nora to talk to her and told her about the cake issue. I want to buy Die a cake for his birthday and give it to him in Denver. But thing is... they do not deliver. So I tell her all of that and then ask, "So... I guess what I'm asking, is if you trust me enough for me to bring the cake personally and deliver it and they still eat it. I mean, it'd be pointless to buy it and waste money on it if it has to be thrown away." The answer I got completely blew my mind. She said, "Yes, yes, of course!" and gives me this really big smile and I'm like in shock because... they trust ME enough to still eat something I bring that will not be sealed up... or anything else. I just... wow. You know?

I got second row in front of Die. No barrier at this venue. Die was all smiles and happy-happy the entire night. It was awesome. The crowd was super brutal, as they usually are in Dallas. My right leg is jacked up and my right arm has this horrid bruise on it, but hey... all worth it and expected.

So when Die tossed out picks, he had one that he pretty much leaned down and held his hand out just over our hands, smirking the entire time, then tilted his hand to give it away. I missed it... again. (What like the fifth time he's pretty much given me something and I miss...) and I'm like D: and the next thing I know, I'm looking up and he's got his water bottle. He kneels down again right in front of where I'm at, looks right at me, and starts laughing like a madman... and dumps the thing right in my eyeball. LOL What a dick. But an adorable dick that I forgive for being a dick, lol. I got it all mopped up and could see again and he did it a second time, too. *shakes head* silly boy was having too much fun at my expense I do believe. What's funny is everyone is all... yeah, mmhmm, sure... he doesn't remember you aaaattt allll (sarcastic tone) after the show. I guess it?d be hard not to remember an insane, bright red haired, fan, huh?

Also, I made friends with several people who I never thought I would. Yay new friends!

Setlist:
Kyoukotsu no Nari
Hageshisa to, Kono Mune no Naka de Karamitsuita Shakunetsu no Yami
Obscure
Juuyoku
Lotus
Rotting Root
Repetition of Hatred
Shitataru M?r?

Inward Scream

The Blossoming Beelzebub
Tsumi to Batsu

Inward Scream

"Yokus? ni Dreambox" Aruiwa Seijuku no Rinen to Tsumetai Ame
Different Sense
Lie Berried with a Vengeance
Reiketsu Nariseba

Encore:
Hydra -666-
The Final
Rasetsukoku



DENVER - December 20, 2011

So Denver turned out to be better than I'd thought the whole thing was going to be. Though, admittedly, I think we went through hell to get there, lol. What should have been an easy 6 hour drive turned into 15 hours of teeth-gritting, life-flashing-before-our-eyes peril. A snow storm moved in the day before and I-25 got shut down, so we had to use state highways instead and that was... terrifying. At several points we were following the tail lights of a semi-truck (all we could see, period), maybe what I'd call 5% visibility, and snow flurries everywhere... with a sheer cliff to our left and a mountain to our right. By the time we got there, we were worn out, but I still had to go pick up two people from Denver International Airport. We checked into our hotel (The Golden Hotel in Golden, CO, just outside Denver) and that hotel is amazing! We had a room that should have cost us over $269 a night, for $69 per night because I work for Choice hotels. That room was awesome. Suede covers, robes in the closet, whole nine yards.

I went and picked up my friends, so we ended up with five people in our room and four people in the other room. The next day, I had to pick up Die's cake from the cake shop (I chose an award winning shop in the Denver area that generally makes cakes for big-names). Natalia and I split the cost of it and so we decided to give it to Die together.

In the meantime, I had to pick up yet another person from the airport (Alex, who is also amazing and awesome, little did I know until Houston and Dallas, but I made a new friend). So by the time I got back to the line it was like 2:30pm or so. The official smallest amount of time I've ever stood in a Dir en grey line, lol!

I caught Rick around 4:30 to tell him about the cake and he went to find Nora. He finally came back around 5:30 and said he could take the cake, but by then we were supposed to line up for VIP at 5:40 and it was like... but... can't we just give it to him ourselves now? So he let us keep it and told me to write my name on the top so they'd know which one it was (since Nora had pre-approved my cake in Dallas).

So we went in (no ticket troubles this time because I had my damn ticket in my hand rather than will-call. Hurray). They filed out and the first question asked was if we could sing Die happy birthday. He looked so embarrassed, but he let us do it and afterward he clapped and grinned so big. I asked what their favorite song to play live was and Toshiya just shrugged and looked confused, lol. Go figure, I finally get to ask a question and no answer! When it came my time, I went up and handed Die the cake (all the presents I just sat in the pile because I fucked that up in Albuquerque last time by not remembering to hand them out). When I handed it to him and told him it was his birthday cake from me and Natalia (pointed her out) and that Nora had said it was okay in Dallas, he had this shocked look on his face and then smiled so big at me. He took that box and held it against his chest. I honestly think the poor guy had no idea we'd make a big deal out of his birthday. I really don't.

In any case, I went over to Shinya to shake his hand and then to Toshiya, thanking them along the way. I got back to Die and Nora had taken the cake box from him (according to a few people I knew in the crowd waiting still, Nora had to convince him to hand it over). I shook his hand with both of mine and thanked him and told him to have a happy birthday. Kaoru got a thank you and a hand shake and then Kyo... I managed to open my mouth finally to him. I took his hand in both of mine and shook it very reverently (by the way... something I noticed: with other people they were sticking their hands out first, with me he put his hand out and waited on mine... maybe irrelevant, but it made me feel good anyway) and leaned in and told him carefully (but not rudely), "Thank you for being here tonight". (He leaned in toward me to hear me as well.) He was wearing this coat with a huge upward part in the front, like an attached scarf. So you couldn't see his lower half his face. But he leaned back enough from his coat after I said that for me to hear him and see him and gave this tiny, tiny smile and then bobbed his head and said, "Yes". The fact that he replied to me and from what I've been hearing, he hasn't really been interacting really? it just made me so happy. I told him what I wanted and he seemed okay with me. It's all I could really ever ask for on that front, to be honest.

So I went back to beside Die for the picture and I leaned on the heater behind them a little and accidentally on Die a bit (unintentionally). I didn't realize until afterward that I knew how Die's jacket felt and how warm he was. Er... whoops, lol. Although, I don't think he cared, given he didn't move. I told him to flip off the camera (another goal I had for this) and he goes "YES!" so I do it... and he doesn't. So I nudge him and I'm like, "Die! Flip off the camera with me!" and he's all, "Okay!" and doesn't do it again! LOL Silly man. I love him to death (in that brother sort of way) but... dude... seriously, the man can be a total airhead sometimes. I KNOW he knows enough English to know what I'm saying, given certain incidents in the past.

Anyway, I claimed my spot against the stage (no barrier) on Die's side and watched for a while as more people went through. Eventually, I started just talking to people around me. Found a few people who are apparently fans of mine right next to me, lol. I'm still not used to this! It's like... I was so used to being hated on all this time and now people like me. It's baffling.

I let my not-blood-cousin in front of me for the Birthday Massacre, because they are his Dir en grey. He got to see Chibi's panties and sang every song. It was adorable. I got him the set list off of the stage afterward and I bet he has that shit framed.

I got my spot back and we waited. This go around my feet felt just fine, which is funny because I'm so used to foot pain being related to a Dir en grey concert it was sort of odd. In any case, it wasn't long before they came out. The crowd was... disjointed. The venue was three levels and that parted our usual union in Denver. So there wasn't really any crushing and that was... odd. The people around me moved... a little... but not like usual, either. I felt like there were about five of us head banging and fist pumping and all that. And oddly... Die's side did not flip him off this go around. Again, weird. We always do. But I felt weird doing it without anyone else doing so, so I didn't either.

So... no barrier... equals Die becoming a part of the crowd. I got to touch his guitar and at one point, he got real low with us and let us put our hands on his while he played. We were all using feather-light touches and it was so cool, to know he was still playing with us touching him like that. He stayed for like... thirty seconds or so and then before he moved away, he reached out one finger and hooked it with mine. Only mine... I have no idea if it was coincidence or not, but the people who saw it that I knew were like, "He knows you! See!? Who knows. Maybe he does. At least by face now if nothing else.

He comes out with his new guitar... this black and white beauty. And I almost wet myself in excitement. (I have some strange obsession with his guitars. Like seriously, the first time I ever got to touch his original... I almost cried.) So I'm like aldkfjalfkjd over this. And he played hard to get with the crowd with it. I reached so hard for it and I got stuck on the edge of the stage (my corset got caught, I was using it as back support under my shirt, lol). He looked right at me, looked at my hand, and he leaned down just enough to swipe the head of it over my fingers, every single string and the entire head, almost into my palm and then away again. Just me... no one else. Just me. Seriously almost cried. /lame moment

Notes on other members. I could see Shinya. GASP. The spot I chose ended up being one that any Shinya fan would have died to get. They had to put him off-center and it was awesome to see him for once. I made an effort to look at him for most of one song.

When Kaoru came over, we got to touch his boot and his guitar. And when Toshiya came over, I could so tell it was Die's side of the stage, lol! The first thing we all reached for (legit like 20 hands) was his Chrome Hearts shoes. We were like CHROOMEEE HEARRTTTSSS, fuckin' zombie-ass people (me included). LOL God, it was hilarious. I got to touch a shoelace before he backed up in much a YIKES ZOMBIES sort of fashion. But according to those on his side of the stage, he's always a tease. I got to touch the bottom of his bass for a millisecond or so before he wandered away and Die came back.

Kyo... Kyo almost was the death of me. He's made me upset before, made me cry. But this go around, on his second Inward Scream, I legit was sobbing. Like... could not breathe, choked up, tears flash-flooding down my face, sobbing. He hit himself again... smacked his nose with his palm until he bled. He always tries so hard to give us 110% and sometimes it just breaks me. But this... I don't even know how to describe it to be honest. I just... it hit me somewhere hard. I don't think it helped I had it in my head that this could be the last time I ever saw them. I just don't know. Took me half the next song to calm down.

Another note. The mix on our side of the stage SUCKED. We could hear Shinya and Die, and that was all. Sometimes we could hear Kyo, when the rest was quiet enough and the crowd was quiet (inward screams, some of the slower songs). But our side had 3-5 people singing most of the time. Me and a few other fans and for a good amount of it, Die. At one point, several of us started singing the wrong song (Die's part for something... I don?t know what sounds a lot like the final and since we couldn't hear jack or shit besides that, that's what we assumed was playing LOL). Die gave us this odd look for a second, shrugged, grinned, and sang it with us. So... our side sang the final. The rest of the venue had a different song. Hilarious, if not a bit embarrassing.

You know... come to think of it... maybe Kyo's inward scream affected me so much because I could not immerse myself in him like I usually do, due to not hearing him at all for most of the show. Just a thought.

So... I lost another Die pick. Shinya poured half a bottle of water over my entire left side and Die, of course, pretty much puts the pick in my left hand. It got clawed out of it by several other people. I thought I saw one on the floor, didn't really see it, and then ignored it, only to find out it was his pick and I missed that one, too, as some random girl picked it up. Ah well... gives me a goal for next time, doesn't it?

I did get his water bottle and also Toshiya's pick. Toshiya launched it into my corset. Silly man.

The drive home was much less uneventful and actually sort of nice. I drove most of the six hours.

Denver Pics

Setlist:
Setlist picture here